hope now

So our 15-month-old has become obsessed with our stereo.  He's recently figured out that music comes out of it, and if I put a CD in he'll just stand in front of it and listen, smiling if the song picks up in tempo or goes from quiet to loud.  Today the stereo was off, and he ran over to it, pointing.  So I turned it on, and we've been listening to music all day.  I even went deep into my collection of CD's, ones that I haven't listened to in forever, with songs that I'm sure Caleb has never heard before.

At one point during the day, all I wanted to do was lay around and read.  Or nap.  Caleb was going strong, and all he wanted was for me to get on the floor with him and play.  And let me just say he was insistent.  I tried to get him to sit with me on the couch with a toy and play that way, but he wasn't for that at all.  Finally, I conceded and got on the floor with him, where we preceded to fill and empty his shape sorter twenty times in a row.

And he was in rare form; everything I did or said was hilarious, he figured out how to put a few of the shapes in the sorter himself, and then he imitated kissing me on the cheek (and, for the first time ever, he said "muah" while doing it and didn't even slime me).  I started feeling content and thinking, okay, kid, this was a good idea after all.  Sorry I didn't do this earlier.

Then, as if on cue, a song came on that I had almost forgotten about.  A song that became my prayer when times were difficult and I was grasping at my faith.

When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb, I had just had a miscarriage a couple of months earlier.  To add to my anxiety, my first ultrasound with him was a disaster.  The ultrasound technician struggled to find any evidence that I was 6 weeks pregnant, but all we could see was a black hole inside the sac on the screen.  She finally concluded that either my calculations were off, or my baby was simply not developing right.  What followed were two agonizing weeks of waiting before another ultrasound would be done.  I struggled with guilt during that time.  I felt guilty that I had allowed myself to get pregnant again when I had been advised to wait longer.  I felt guilty that I couldn't seem to share my husband's faith that our baby was fine and the ultrasound tech had gotten things all wrong.  And I felt guilty that I was still grieving one child, yet praying my heart out for another.

I listened to this song every day during that time.  This might sound cheesy, but in a way it became my prayer when I didn't know how to pray.  And it helped lead me to the most meaningful thing I would say to God during those two weeks..."Lord, I choose to be thankful for whatever time I have with this child...thank You for the privilege of being a mother once again, even if it's for a short while."  It helped me surrender my fears completely to Him, and to yearn for His Word when my worry was trying to get the best of me.  And it became a song of rejoicing when my husband and I saw our baby for the first time at the end of those two weeks.  That little bean-shaped spot on the screen measured 8 weeks, making my previous calculations correct; to this day I'm not certain whether the ultrasound tech measured wrong on that first ultrasound, or whether God performed a miracle within me that caused Caleb to grow the way he did.  I tend to believe the latter.

So when I heard this song today while playing with my son in our living room, my memory jogged in an instant and I found myself in tears.  I remembered all the prayers that were said for this miracle child, and all the times my heart cried out to God like David's did so many times in his Psalms.  I remembered when I would have given anything to be able to play with the child I had lost.  I remembered wondering if God would ask me to say good-bye to another child.  I remembered all the growing I did in those two weeks of waiting.  And all the growing Caleb did as well.

Most of all, I remembered God's sovereignty and blessings.  And it made my play-time with my son that much sweeter. 

"Hope Now" by Addison Road

If everything comes down to love, 

Then just what am I afraid of?

When I call out Your name,

Something inside awakes in my soul.

How quickly I forget I'm yours.

I'm not my own, I've been carried by You all my life.

Everything rides on hope now.

Everything rides on faith somehow.

When the world has broken me down,

Your love sets me free.

When my life is like a storm,

Rising waters, all I want is the shore;

You say I'll be okay, and make it through the rain,

You are my shelter from the storm.

Everything rides on hope now.

Everything rides on faith somehow.

When the world has broken me down,

Your love sets me free.

You've become my heart's desire,

And I will sing Your praises higher,

'Cause Your love sets me free,

Your love sets me free,

Your love sets me free.

Jeshurun

"...Do not fear, O Jacob My servant, and you Jeshurun whom I have chosen."  Isaiah 44:2


So who is Jeshurun?  This name is most likely unfamiliar to most Christians, and understandably so, as it only appears a few times in the entire Bible (three times in Deuteronomy and the above reference in Isaiah).  At first glance, it appears to be a synonym for the nation of Israel.  This is a correct assumption, but we would rob ourselves if we chose not to go any deeper than that!

When "Jeshurun" appears in Deuteronomy, it always occurs in poetic form.  The first time is in Deut. 32:15, when Moses teaches the rest of Israel a song written by God Himself (see 31:19-22).  God told Moses that once He brought His people into the Promised Land, their prosperity and abundance will cause them to fall away from Him, so this song would serve as a reminder to turn back to Him.  They were also to teach this song to their descendants for the same purpose.  And indeed, the verse that mentions Jeshurun (verse 15) describes the nation of Israel growing "fat, thick, and sleek" and forsaking God.  The other two references in Deuteronomy occur in the blessing Moses speaks over Israel before he dies; both describe God as the "king" or "God of Jeshurun" (see verses 5 and 26).

So what's the point here?  All these instances of the name Jeshurun are poetic, occurring in songs, blessings, or prophecies.  They don't occur in narratives or historical accounts.  God uses the name Jeshurun almost as a nickname for His chosen people.  When I googled the word "Jeshurun," here's what I found on its origins and meanings (and yes, this is mostly from Wikipedia; it was difficult to find reliable religious commentaries on this subject, believe it or not!).  My sources came from here and here.

• Derived from a root word meaning "upright, just, or straight."  You may have noticed that the song mentioned above came after a long list of rules and commandments.  God set standards for His people to live by, and although He knew that they would fall away at times, His ultimate vision was for them to embrace His standards, realize they couldn't fulfill all of them by their own power, and therefore depend on Him for the help they needed to be "upright, just, and straight."  He knew Jeshurun would forsake Him, but He used His nickname for them anyway because He also knew all they could be once they turned back to Him.
• Can mean "beloved one."  We often give nicknames to the people we love.  It suggests a closeness, or an intimacy with someone if we have a special name just for them.  God called Israel "Jeshurun" for a reason...because He loved them.  It's amazing to me that He would still use His nickname for them in the midst of sin and rebellion, but that just emphasizes the fact that His love is stronger than any sin.  And the same is true for His children today.  Our sin hurts Him, and it's not what He wants for us, but He will still call us His "beloved one" to draw us back to Him.
• A new name that brings a new chance at life.  By the end of Deuteronomy, Moses is about to die, and a new generation of Israel will soon cross over to the Promised Land.  If you're familiar with the events that happened prior to this, you'll remember that God waited until everyone from Moses' generation died before He would let Israel take possession of the land He had promised them.  This came as a result of sin and rebellion.  When God spoke through Moses and allowed him to impart His blessing on the younger generation, He used the name "Jeshurun" to drive home the fact that with the new land came a new life.  A life that would be full of blessings as long as it included Him.  The same goes for Israel in Isaiah's prophecy; although they have fallen away again and again, God offers to refresh them by "pouring out His Spirit" on their descendants.  Once again, He highlights the younger generation and tells them they have a chance for a new life, and so uses a new name to reflect that.

If you're a child of God, you've been given a new name.  It's a name that not only tells how loved you are by God, but also the unlimited potential you possess with His Spirit inside you.  Grab hold of the new life that comes with this name and allow God to lead you.

new things.

"Behold, the former things have come to pass.  Now I declare new things; before they spring forth I proclaim them to you."  Isaiah 42:9

Am I the only one who's immediately transported back to circa 1993 when reading this verse?  Come on, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.  If you were in any kind of youth group back then, you know everyone was all over dcTalk and sang "Nu Thang" with reckless abandon.  Or maybe that cassette was released before 1993, and I was just very slow with that trend.  Who knows.  Guess that's why I said "circa."  But I digress.  :o)

The first part of Isaiah 42 is a really awesome prophecy about Jesus (another reason why I love my New American Standard Bible; this version capitalizes pronouns attributed to the Trinity, so there's no confusion about who the writer is talking about!).  Jesus is described as God's chosen one (verse 1) who will "faithfully bring forth justice" (verse 3).

And how will he bring forth justice?  By opening the eyes of the blind and releasing captives from prisons (verse 7).  I used to read this in a literal way, but God has shown me lately that there are more ways to be blind than in a physical fashion, and there are myriad of internal or spiritual prisons that can hold us captive.

Really, until we find Jesus and trust Him with our lives, we are all blind to the fact that we need a Savior.  We can be blind to the needs of the poor or blind to patterns of sin in our lives.  Jesus came to open our eyes to these "spiritual cataracts" so nothing will blur our focus on Him and what He wants to do with us.  He trades our blind eyes for new eyes, in a way.

And we might find ourselves trapped in prisons of addiction, temptation, out-of-control emotions, or those same patterns of sin mentioned before.  I know one of my main "prisons" is depression.  God has had to release me from that prison again and again, and really it's only because of Him that I'm walking free of that today.  Jesus came to give us abundant life (John 10:10); a life in prison does not allow for any kind of abundance, unless it's an abundance of pain and regret.   With our release from prison comes a new lease on an abundant life, and the realization that as long as we're walking in-step with Jesus, there's no reason that we have to go back to our prison again. 

The best part is, God declares the "new things" He has in store for us before they even happen (check out verse 9 again)!.  Meaning He won't wait until your eyes have been opened or the prison door swings open to show you the promise He has planned out for you.  That's His blessing for us.  He may not reveal specifics, but He does offer the promise of new things again and again.  In the midst of our pain and darkness, He peels back the curtain just a bit to reveal the light on the other side, which illuminates the new things He wants to do in our lives if only we ask Him to help us see with new eyes and walk in new freedom.

Trust in Him.  He holds the salve for your blinded eyes and the keys to your prison cell.  He wants to do a new thing for you!

chosen.

"You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts and said to you, 'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you."  ~ Isaiah 41:9

Those are some pretty strong verbs, aren't they?  So many times I'm guilty of viewing God as more passive than active.  Does He really just leave us to stumble around in the dark with groping hands until we happen upon Him by chance?

I don't think so.

And according to this prophecy by Isaiah, God doesn't think so either.

My bible has a footnote next to the word "taken" in verse 9 that says "or taken hold of."  I keep envisioning God's mighty hand literally scooping His children up and keeping them at His side.  That's a very comforting thought to me.

But He has also called the ones He takes hold of.  He calls His children to a more abundant life through the saving knowledge that His Son Jesus died for the sins of the world. After the Holy Spirit fell on Peter and the other apostles, a crowd of people gathered and became repentant as a result of the words God spoke through Peter.  He told the people that "the promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off, as many as the Lord our God will call to Himself" (Acts 2:39).  Whether He uses a still, small voice or a blasting shofar, God calls His children to Himself.  He is also willing to go to the most "remotest parts" for those of us who are "far off."  That's also comforting to me; no matter how far you've run from God, you're never too far away to hear His voice, and you're just one step away from His promise.

Perhaps the most comforting part of verse 9 is the fact that we are chosen as God's children.  This is not a random process, there are no "stowaways" that sneak into His kingdom, and He has chosen you for a purpose:  to be "His possession" (Deuteronomy 7:6).  He loves you so much that He wants to keep you and show you off!  When you answer God's call and fulfill your destiny as one of His chosen ones, you're not just a citizen of His kingdom.  Think about that.  Basically all you have to do to be a citizen of a country is to be born there, yet just because you're a citizen of the United States does not mean that you know the President and all him your friend.  Being God's chosen means that He desires an intimate relationship with you, a nurturing and loving one where He molds and shapes you into who He wants you to be within His kingdom.  He chooses us because He loves us that much.

As I close today, let me drive this point home:  we also have an active part in being chosen.  God chooses us, but we must choose Him as well.  Jesus said, "Many are called, but few are chosen" (Matthew 22:14).  This statement concludes a parable in which a king, after finding that all of his wealthy guests ignored his invitation to a feast, chose the poor people in his kingdom to attend his feast instead.  The king called the wealthy guests to himself, but they "paid no attention and went on their way" (verse 5).  It was the poor people, the "second string" of invites, that made it to the feast, because they chose to accept the king's invitation.  Have you chosen God?  Even if you feel poor in spirit, He still wants you and longs to take hold of you.

two years ago today...

....I lost someone very precious to me.
....I realized that it is very possible to love someone without ever seeing their face.
....I learned that someone very small can leave a very big legacy.
....I heard God whisper, "I'm crying with you, beloved, but I have a plan."
....I began to see that I didn't need to know all the answers.
....I gave up my pain and confusion to God, and learned to love and trust Him even in the midst of the WHY.

Thank You, Father.  I still don't fully understand, but thank You for sticking with me anyway.  :o)

behind His back

"...It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, 

for You have cast all my sins behind Your back."

~Isaiah 38:17

Have you ever tried to pass off some ridiculous statement (like "Thou shalt not eat thy vegetables") as Scripture by saying it's found in the book of Hezekiah?  Maybe that's just my husband.  And if you have known us for any length of time, odds are you've heard that joke already!

While Hezekiah didn't write a book of the Bible, he was a king who received prophecies from Isaiah starting in Chapter 37.  In this chapter, Hezekiah's prayers and reliance on God resulted in the ultimate defeat of the invading Assyrians.  In the next chapter, we find Hezekiah on his deathbed.  Desperate, he prays to God asking Him to remember how he has walked before Him "in truth and with a whole heart" (verse 3).  God then decides to heals him, and also adds fifteen years to his life (verse 5).

Hezekiah's writing of his illness and healing makes up the rest of the chapter.  It describes both despair and thanksgiving.  One verse in particular stood out of me as I read it today:

"It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness,

for You have cast all my sins behind Your back" (verse 17).

Check out the word "cast."  It immediately brought me to 1 Peter 5:7, which instructs us to "cast" all our cares or anxiety on Him because He cares for us.  I'm not sure if the word "cast" is translated exactly the same in Isaiah as it is in 1 Peter, but to me the mental picture is the same; throwing something with all our might toward another source, as a fisherman would cast a net into the sea.

That's what God did with Hezekiah's sin, and what He does with all of our sins when we accept His son and ask for forgiveness.  He throws our sin with all of his might behind Him.  When He said "Get behind me, Satan!" (Matthew 16:23 and Mark 8:33) He was putting Peter's wrong thinking where it belonged...behind Him.  When something is behind you, it's not in your line of vision.  It is impossible to focus on it, or even see it, unless you look behind you.  When it comes to our sin, God is not one for looking behind, and He doesn't expect us to do that either.  If we ask His forgiveness, He forgets our sin and only looks ahead to what we could be in Him.

The point is, whether we're casting our sin or our anxieties on Him, God will greet us with open arms.  Throw that struggle, stronghold, worry, or temptation into His hand with all your might, and He will smile and throw it over His shoulder.  Remember, if God cared at all about keeping tabs on our sin even after He forgives us, He would never throw them behind Him.  He would keep them in front of Him or beside Him.  He throws them behind His back to not only put them where they belong, but to also restore us to the position where we belong.   He is able to hold us and look into our eyes because our sin isn't in front of Him, and He is able to walk with and guide us because our sin isn't beside Him.

So cast your cares and sin upon Him, and He will cast them behind Him so you can move on, powerful at His side and safe in His arms.