We were just going in for a simple check-up. My little boy had just turned three, and had endured nothing more than an occasional cold or scraped knee over the past year. We drove to his pediatrician and I rejoiced that God had blessed Caleb with such wonderful health.
He charmed the nurses and hardly fussed at all when they pricked his finger to checked his iron. He even thanked them for it. We were sent to an exam room to wait for the pediatrician. "Tangled" was playing on the TV in the corner of the room, which Caleb was excited about. The doctor came in, declaring how much Caleb had grown over the past year and how he had the iron levels of a teenager.
Then he listened to Caleb's chest.
I didn't even notice at the time how long the pediatrician lingered doing this particular part of the exam. I guess I just figured he was being thorough. So I was caught off guard when he commented that he heard a murmur.
A murmur?! Where did that come from? And why now?
Looking back I'm impressed with how calm I stayed even with this startling piece of news. The pediatrician assured me that murmurs were quite common in children, that most of them are benign, and sometimes they even go away by adulthood. But since he hadn't heard this murmur with Caleb before (even with all the times we went to him when Caleb was a baby), he wanted to get us in at the hospital for an echocardiogram as soon as possible.
He finished the exam, and we even joked about how slow boys were with toilet training and how they laugh at their own body noises. It was only when he left to call over to the hospital when I let everything sink in. I called my parents, who were in town and waiting at the Starbucks next door, and calmly told them why we'd be a little later meeting them. After what seemed like an eternity, a nurse came in with a piece of paper. It had our appointment time on there (2:30 that very afternoon); I noted that the doctor had secured the "good" tech with over thirty years experience.
We left the office and went across the parking lot to Starbucks. Poor Caleb was starving by then, so my mom bought us a blueberry scone to share. As we sat and drank our coffee, my dad comforted me by reminding me that he too had a murmur when he was a child, but by the time he was examined by the draft board, they couldn't detect it anymore. We wondered if these kind of things were hereditary or just a coincidence.
I had already called Randall about the news, so he informed his boss that he wanted to meet the two of us at the hospital later on. Caleb and I got there a little early, so I let him check out the fountain by the main entrance; the kid loves anything having to do with splashing water. As I sat there watching him, I thought about the last time we took him to that hospital. He was just under two weeks old and was so lethargic the doctor was worried he had gotten some kind of infection. I remembered how helpless I felt seeing my baby hooked up to so many machines and asking God what in the world He was doing. Thankfully everything turned out okay, and a few months later, we were blessed with good health for Caleb from then on.
Until now, seemingly.
Once Randall got there, the three of us went in to check Caleb in and get the test done. He was remarkably still and calm during the test (which is basically just an ultrasound of the heart and surrounding areas), and once again, thanked the tech when she was done. Guess we've really beat saying "thank you" into his head! Caleb and I then drove back home and waited.
I honestly didn't expect to hear anything back since it was a Friday afternoon. But the pediatrician had written "STAT" on the referral, and I heard back from him that very evening.
He opened by saying Caleb's case was "interesting." Not quite the word you want to hear when you're talking about your kid's heart. He followed up quickly, saying that he was using the word "interesting" because what Caleb has, they don't see all that often. In fact, they hadn't seen those findings around here in at least ten years. A lesser experienced tech may have even missed it.
Turns out Caleb has a "fistula" on one of his coronary arteries. The pediatrician explained to me what it looks like, but honestly, I didn't quite get it. I'm a visual person so unless I can see some kind of illustration, it's lost on me. My husband looked it up later (as an attorney he's used to reviewing medical information), and tried to describe it to me. Basically it's an "abnormal connection" between a coronary artery and the heart. Kind of an extension of the artery that's not supposed to be there.
The pediatrician assured me that in Caleb's case, it's not a cause for major concern. The tech hadn't seen any weakening of the arterial wall or an aneurysm, so likely it wouldn't cause him any problems. He had arranged for his echo to be sent to a pediatric cardiologist to confirm the tech's findings, and we'd go from there. It took almost a week to hear back, but the news was good. Yes, he does have a fistula, but it's not doing any damage to his heart. The cardiologist recommended we get Caleb in to see him or another pediatric cardiologist at some point, but it wasn't a major emergency. And likely, this is something we'll have to get checked every year for awhile as Caleb grows, to make sure nothing changes. In the meantime, there are no physical limitations placed on Caleb, and the possibility of any surgery or other procedures seems remote.
I have to say, this whole thing has just been crazy. The day after Caleb's checkup and getting the initial report back, we had his birthday party. Seeing him run around with his friends and blowing out the "3" candle on his cake made me so thankful for all the time we've had with him and all the good years that are to come. Seeing the pure joy on his face reminded me of what a joyful little boy he actually is. He really has no idea about his heart and why it's different; he only knows he loves to run around and play, and that birthday parties are the most exciting times ever!
The other night my husband I were watching "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." At one point in the movie, the spoiled cousin Eustace transforms into a dragon. He is unable to speak, and though his cousins and the crew of the ship stay by him, it's unclear to everyone if he will ever change back into a human. That first evening, Reepicheep the mouse sees that Eustace is crying, clearly upset about his fate. He reassures him, saying that extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people, and based on what has happened to him, he must have a great destiny ahead of him. May be cheesy, but it made me think of Caleb. This fistula thing, it's rare. And while it seems so random, God wasn't surprised by it like we were. Rare and random can also mean extraordinary. Caleb's heart is different, but it's also big and full of love. That's extraordinary enough for me. I can't wait to see what kind of great destiny God has planned for him, and I'm excited that I get to be a part of it.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
January 15, 2013
May 19, 2011
mirror, mirror
Am I the only one who has the tendency to be extremely self-critical? I've become more and more aware lately of how I continuously beat myself down for everything, from not doing the dishes right away to the way my clothes fit. The latter, my physical appearance, tends to be more of an issue with me. I'm hoping this is a common thing. But more than that, I'm hoping it's easy to fix.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul prays for "enlightened eyes" for the people of Ephesus so they would know the hope to which God has called them (Ephesians 1:18). I think this should be my prayer too. Without this renewed vision, it's impossible to focus on anything but the wrong thing. Enlightened eyes help us see past the temporary and past the surface. God told Samuel the prophet that God cares more about the heart than the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7); with enlightened eyes, couldn't I be the same way?
Every morning I look into our bathroom mirror. I see myself when I brush my teeth, wash my hands, do my makeup, and straighten my hair. All the while my eyes are staring back at me, telling me everything that's wrong. Your have dark circles under your eyes. Your hair is frizzy. Your arms are flabby. Your stomach is still fat. Sure doesn't sound enlightened, does it?
Sometimes my husband and I write little notes to each other on that same mirror using a dry erase marker. A couple of weeks ago, he wrote "I love you" on my side of the mirror, and a few days later he added "best mommy in the world!" right underneath it. It took me a few days after that to notice that in order to see my appearance, I had to look through those words written on the mirror. Although I could move toward the other side of the mirror where there was nothing blocking my reflection, I found that I had a much better view right where I was at. My husband's words of encouragement and affection effectively blocked out those dark circles and frizzy hair, and drew my attention away from what I thought I was wrong with me. I had to read those words anytime I looked in the mirror, and they helped me to "see" who I really was. I am loved, and I'm a wife and a mother. Looks SO much better now.
Maybe that's how those enlightened eyes work. Is it like putting on glasses to see everything through God's eyes, or is it like having cataracts that block out these negative thoughts and words we speak over ourselves day in and day out? Might be a little of both. Either way, I want more of His vision and His outlook. I want to quit wasting time criticizing my flaws and instead glorify Him for all the good He's given me. It's a tough thing to do, but really, it's not as though living the self-critical life is that easy either!
In the book of Ephesians, Paul prays for "enlightened eyes" for the people of Ephesus so they would know the hope to which God has called them (Ephesians 1:18). I think this should be my prayer too. Without this renewed vision, it's impossible to focus on anything but the wrong thing. Enlightened eyes help us see past the temporary and past the surface. God told Samuel the prophet that God cares more about the heart than the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7); with enlightened eyes, couldn't I be the same way?
Every morning I look into our bathroom mirror. I see myself when I brush my teeth, wash my hands, do my makeup, and straighten my hair. All the while my eyes are staring back at me, telling me everything that's wrong. Your have dark circles under your eyes. Your hair is frizzy. Your arms are flabby. Your stomach is still fat. Sure doesn't sound enlightened, does it?
Sometimes my husband and I write little notes to each other on that same mirror using a dry erase marker. A couple of weeks ago, he wrote "I love you" on my side of the mirror, and a few days later he added "best mommy in the world!" right underneath it. It took me a few days after that to notice that in order to see my appearance, I had to look through those words written on the mirror. Although I could move toward the other side of the mirror where there was nothing blocking my reflection, I found that I had a much better view right where I was at. My husband's words of encouragement and affection effectively blocked out those dark circles and frizzy hair, and drew my attention away from what I thought I was wrong with me. I had to read those words anytime I looked in the mirror, and they helped me to "see" who I really was. I am loved, and I'm a wife and a mother. Looks SO much better now.
Maybe that's how those enlightened eyes work. Is it like putting on glasses to see everything through God's eyes, or is it like having cataracts that block out these negative thoughts and words we speak over ourselves day in and day out? Might be a little of both. Either way, I want more of His vision and His outlook. I want to quit wasting time criticizing my flaws and instead glorify Him for all the good He's given me. It's a tough thing to do, but really, it's not as though living the self-critical life is that easy either!
February 1, 2011
Connections
Today I read the first half of Isaiah 30. I only had time to read half because I had a Bible study this morning, so I read verses 1 through 17. Later that morning a sister in Christ quoted verse 18 of Isaiah 30, so I figured that was a good indication from God that I need to finish this chapter up soon!
But first, something cool God showed me about the first half. God uses this prophecy to warn Judah through Isaiah because they are forming an alliance with Egypt instead of turning to Him. In fact, verse 2 says they didn't even consult Him before doing so! The latter part of that verse caught my attention though:
"...To take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!"
I read that phrase a few times, thinking, It seems to me I've read these words before. Sounds like a psalm I've read a bunch of times. I'll admit, I couldn't remember which one exactly. Definitely looked it up in the back, and discovered the one I was thinking of was Psalm 91.
Check out Psalm 91:1...."He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." The words "shelter" and "shadow" are what jogged my memory in the first place, and here they are in Psalm 91! The fact is, we all seek shelter somewhere, especially when life gets difficult. We can find our refuge in the comforting shadow of God who covers us with His mercy and love, or we can settle for something far less and deal with the pain that inevitably follows when we place our trust in someone or something other than our Lord. How cool is it that God uses the same terminology in two different books of the Bible to get that point across!
But the connections don't end there. Read on to verse 6, where God's people are described as carrying their "riches" and "treasures" on the backs of their beasts of burden to Egypt, "a land of distress and anguish, from where come the lioness and lion, viper and flying serpent." And yeah, I totally got distracted with the whole "flying serpent" idea. Hopefully you did too. That way I won't feel so silly. But anyway, I looked back in Psalm 91, and in verse 13 it reads, "You will tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you will trample down." Again, similar terminology yet very different circumstances. In Egypt (or at least on the way to Egypt), God's people are prophesied to encounter lions and snakes, and I can only surmise by the tone of the prophecy as a whole that the creatures pose a real danger to them, yet they are so determined to be allies with Egypt that they don't realize that maybe these animals are simply obstacles God put in their way. If only they chose to align themselves and their "riches and treasures" with God, then the once-threatening lions and snakes would become the hunted instead (Psalm 91:13).
One more. Verse 17 of Isaiah 30 says that the rebelliousness of God's people will become their destruction, in that "one thousand will flee at the threat of one man." In the previous verse, Isaiah prophesies that the people of Judah will not take God's call for repentance seriously, and will instead put their trust in acquiring more "swift horses." (Ever tried to cling to something worldly rather than just repent and turn to God? I know I have.) As a result, they use those horses to try to outrun their enemies, and it seems they're not very successful since all it appears to take is one man to cause a thousand more to flee (verse 17). Look back in Psalm 91. Verse 7 says, "A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, but it [destruction] will not approach you." This verse, and the psalm as a whole, describes the peace and security we have access to when we abide with God and put our trust in His hands. Instead of being one of those thousand people fleeing from one singular enemy, we can be one singular person causing a thousand ememies to flee! Remember, Romans 8:37 says that in the face of any hardship or danger we are more than conquerors; the NASB says we overwhelmingly conquer. That means overcoming on a large scale. Why cause one nagging temptation to flee when you can cause a thousand to flee? With His help, we can.
It's always cool to me when I find similar words and phrases in different books of the Bible. The fact that they're there stresses the fact that the Bible is indeed God-breathed. Who else could have inspired such subtle yet powerful connections? It also stresses the fact that we should read the Bible as a whole, instead of picking and choosing certain books or passages or stories. True, we have our favorites, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that; it helps with memorization, application, prayer, and sharing God with others when we read and re-read our favorite sections of Scripture until they are imprinted on our minds and hearts. But especially after what God has shown me today with these two passages, one a sobering prophecy and the other a sweet song of thanksgiving, I for one want to start delving into the parts of His word that I seldom consider reading. Seeing one idea reinterated or rephrased in a different manner from one passage to another can lead to deeper understanding, more meaningful application, and more powerful prayers. Those are all things I desire in my walk with God. May His Word always speak to me in new and exciting ways.
But first, something cool God showed me about the first half. God uses this prophecy to warn Judah through Isaiah because they are forming an alliance with Egypt instead of turning to Him. In fact, verse 2 says they didn't even consult Him before doing so! The latter part of that verse caught my attention though:
"...To take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!"
I read that phrase a few times, thinking, It seems to me I've read these words before. Sounds like a psalm I've read a bunch of times. I'll admit, I couldn't remember which one exactly. Definitely looked it up in the back, and discovered the one I was thinking of was Psalm 91.
Check out Psalm 91:1...."He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." The words "shelter" and "shadow" are what jogged my memory in the first place, and here they are in Psalm 91! The fact is, we all seek shelter somewhere, especially when life gets difficult. We can find our refuge in the comforting shadow of God who covers us with His mercy and love, or we can settle for something far less and deal with the pain that inevitably follows when we place our trust in someone or something other than our Lord. How cool is it that God uses the same terminology in two different books of the Bible to get that point across!
But the connections don't end there. Read on to verse 6, where God's people are described as carrying their "riches" and "treasures" on the backs of their beasts of burden to Egypt, "a land of distress and anguish, from where come the lioness and lion, viper and flying serpent." And yeah, I totally got distracted with the whole "flying serpent" idea. Hopefully you did too. That way I won't feel so silly. But anyway, I looked back in Psalm 91, and in verse 13 it reads, "You will tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you will trample down." Again, similar terminology yet very different circumstances. In Egypt (or at least on the way to Egypt), God's people are prophesied to encounter lions and snakes, and I can only surmise by the tone of the prophecy as a whole that the creatures pose a real danger to them, yet they are so determined to be allies with Egypt that they don't realize that maybe these animals are simply obstacles God put in their way. If only they chose to align themselves and their "riches and treasures" with God, then the once-threatening lions and snakes would become the hunted instead (Psalm 91:13).
One more. Verse 17 of Isaiah 30 says that the rebelliousness of God's people will become their destruction, in that "one thousand will flee at the threat of one man." In the previous verse, Isaiah prophesies that the people of Judah will not take God's call for repentance seriously, and will instead put their trust in acquiring more "swift horses." (Ever tried to cling to something worldly rather than just repent and turn to God? I know I have.) As a result, they use those horses to try to outrun their enemies, and it seems they're not very successful since all it appears to take is one man to cause a thousand more to flee (verse 17). Look back in Psalm 91. Verse 7 says, "A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, but it [destruction] will not approach you." This verse, and the psalm as a whole, describes the peace and security we have access to when we abide with God and put our trust in His hands. Instead of being one of those thousand people fleeing from one singular enemy, we can be one singular person causing a thousand ememies to flee! Remember, Romans 8:37 says that in the face of any hardship or danger we are more than conquerors; the NASB says we overwhelmingly conquer. That means overcoming on a large scale. Why cause one nagging temptation to flee when you can cause a thousand to flee? With His help, we can.
It's always cool to me when I find similar words and phrases in different books of the Bible. The fact that they're there stresses the fact that the Bible is indeed God-breathed. Who else could have inspired such subtle yet powerful connections? It also stresses the fact that we should read the Bible as a whole, instead of picking and choosing certain books or passages or stories. True, we have our favorites, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that; it helps with memorization, application, prayer, and sharing God with others when we read and re-read our favorite sections of Scripture until they are imprinted on our minds and hearts. But especially after what God has shown me today with these two passages, one a sobering prophecy and the other a sweet song of thanksgiving, I for one want to start delving into the parts of His word that I seldom consider reading. Seeing one idea reinterated or rephrased in a different manner from one passage to another can lead to deeper understanding, more meaningful application, and more powerful prayers. Those are all things I desire in my walk with God. May His Word always speak to me in new and exciting ways.
July 14, 2010
Going up to Zion...
"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; that He may teach us concerning His ways and that we may walk in His paths..." Isaiah 2:3
Ever sit down to read your Bible and all you can think is, "Shouldn't this feel more like a desire than a duty?" I do. I'm guessing it's a common problem every child of God encounters from time to time. Hectic schedules, family problems, job hassles, and other annoyances often crowd up our day to such an extent that by the time we finally get a chance to sit down, we'd rather watch TV or read a magazine. Studying God's law and learning more about His character doesn't always make it to the top of our to-do lists. And if we do get around to it, we're often too distracted anyway.
The second chapter of Isaiah describes a time in the "last days" where all the nations will gather at the mountain of the house of the Lord. Once they encounter God on this mountain of Zion, their chief concern seems to be learning more about God's laws. They want to become more acquainted with His ways and to "walk in His paths" (verse 3). True, a day of reckoning immediately follows (or perhaps coincides with) this gathering at the mountain, so one might argue that anyone might be more motivated to learn about God's laws in the midst of His terrible judgments. But there are plenty of reasons to study God's Word regardless of what is happening. Here's three of them:
Ever sit down to read your Bible and all you can think is, "Shouldn't this feel more like a desire than a duty?" I do. I'm guessing it's a common problem every child of God encounters from time to time. Hectic schedules, family problems, job hassles, and other annoyances often crowd up our day to such an extent that by the time we finally get a chance to sit down, we'd rather watch TV or read a magazine. Studying God's law and learning more about His character doesn't always make it to the top of our to-do lists. And if we do get around to it, we're often too distracted anyway.
The second chapter of Isaiah describes a time in the "last days" where all the nations will gather at the mountain of the house of the Lord. Once they encounter God on this mountain of Zion, their chief concern seems to be learning more about God's laws. They want to become more acquainted with His ways and to "walk in His paths" (verse 3). True, a day of reckoning immediately follows (or perhaps coincides with) this gathering at the mountain, so one might argue that anyone might be more motivated to learn about God's laws in the midst of His terrible judgments. But there are plenty of reasons to study God's Word regardless of what is happening. Here's three of them:
- Learning and obeying God's law brings peace. I don't think it's a coincidence that the next verse in Isaiah describes the aftermath of not only God carrying out His judgment, but also of His people learning about His perfect law: they hammer their weapons into tools and "never again learn war" (verse 4). Knowing who we are in Him is the most peaceful place we can be. It helps us lay down our weapons of distrust and self-pity and to reshape them into tools that can be utilized in His kingdom.
- Learning and obeying God's law brings love to others. In fact, under the new covenant set in place by Jesus' death and resurrection, God's law IS all about love! Paul wrote to the Romans that "he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law" (13:8), and in James we learn that if we are obeying God's command to love others, we are "doing well" (2:8). And Jesus told His disciples that people would know that they are His followers if they had love for one another (John 13:35).
- Learning and obeying God's law helps us to work out our salvation (Philippians 2:12). While we are saved by His grace, His law is just as important if we are to know how to carry that salvation out in our daily lives. That's why the people were concerned not only about learning God's law, but also about walking in His paths. God wants us to continually seek Him and to do His will every day of our lives; knowing His laws is pivotal to doing this. That way we know if we're on the right path!
June 22, 2010
YIELD!!!
"Yield now and be at peace with Him; thereby good will come to you." Job 22:21
I've been painstakingly reading through Job for awhile now. It's hard not to get bored (or annoyed) with verse after verse of discourse about why calamity comes to the faithful. But I know that's what I would be asking, too. WHY??? Sometimes we may not know this side of heaven why God allows difficulties and trials into our lives, but how are we to respond when He does? This verse popped out at me a couple of months ago; I often favor verses that give a command because then there's no question about what I'm supposed to do!
The first directive is to YIELD. Naturally my mind immediately went to the rules of the road. When we yield in traffic, we pause and then delay what we intended to do in order to allow another driver to do what they intended to do. In other words, we put someone else's will ahead of our own. The same thing happens when we put our life in God's hands; we put aside our desires for God's desires. Our ultimate goal should be to pursue such intimacy with Him that His desires will become our desires, and then yielding will be a sweet surrender rather than squealing tires and a bent fender.
So what does yielding involve? I checked a sidenote in my Bible for that. Apparently the word used for "yield" in my translation also means to "know intimately." Interesting. So the more intimately you know someone, the easier it is to yield. Think about it...it's easy to yield to someone if we know what their intentions are. And you know their intentions if you're close to them. If my husband tells me I should lock the front door, it's easy for me to yield to him since we share a close relationship and I know that his intentions are to keep us safe. Same with God...He might tell me to turn the channel if something offensive is on TV in order to keep me pure.
Here's where it gets tricky....sometimes we have to yield to God even if we don't know what His purpose is. He isn't always clear about the "why." Sometimes, like with Job, He allows trials and tribulations to come our way that seem pointless...even unfair. He wants us to still yield to His will, to trust that He knows what He's doing and He'll work everything together for our good. This isn't usually very easy for me....I always want to know WHY something is happening. But you know what makes yielding to Him easier? Spending time with Him, talking to Him, even asking Him questions. Because the more intimately I know God, the easier it will be to yield. And that's where I find my peace.
I've been painstakingly reading through Job for awhile now. It's hard not to get bored (or annoyed) with verse after verse of discourse about why calamity comes to the faithful. But I know that's what I would be asking, too. WHY??? Sometimes we may not know this side of heaven why God allows difficulties and trials into our lives, but how are we to respond when He does? This verse popped out at me a couple of months ago; I often favor verses that give a command because then there's no question about what I'm supposed to do!
The first directive is to YIELD. Naturally my mind immediately went to the rules of the road. When we yield in traffic, we pause and then delay what we intended to do in order to allow another driver to do what they intended to do. In other words, we put someone else's will ahead of our own. The same thing happens when we put our life in God's hands; we put aside our desires for God's desires. Our ultimate goal should be to pursue such intimacy with Him that His desires will become our desires, and then yielding will be a sweet surrender rather than squealing tires and a bent fender.
So what does yielding involve? I checked a sidenote in my Bible for that. Apparently the word used for "yield" in my translation also means to "know intimately." Interesting. So the more intimately you know someone, the easier it is to yield. Think about it...it's easy to yield to someone if we know what their intentions are. And you know their intentions if you're close to them. If my husband tells me I should lock the front door, it's easy for me to yield to him since we share a close relationship and I know that his intentions are to keep us safe. Same with God...He might tell me to turn the channel if something offensive is on TV in order to keep me pure.
Here's where it gets tricky....sometimes we have to yield to God even if we don't know what His purpose is. He isn't always clear about the "why." Sometimes, like with Job, He allows trials and tribulations to come our way that seem pointless...even unfair. He wants us to still yield to His will, to trust that He knows what He's doing and He'll work everything together for our good. This isn't usually very easy for me....I always want to know WHY something is happening. But you know what makes yielding to Him easier? Spending time with Him, talking to Him, even asking Him questions. Because the more intimately I know God, the easier it will be to yield. And that's where I find my peace.
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