I confess, I've been neglecting this blog. Really, I've been neglecting my time with Him. It seems so much easier to go about my day and keep myself busy with projects rather than turn to the only One who can offer healing. With each day, He offers me new mercies anyway, and reveals Himself in ways I never expect. I feel so unworthy, but He sees me as gold.
Let me share something with you that He has taught me this week. My almost two-year-old son recently learned the word "Almighty" from listening to a Third Day worship song. My husband and I were impressed, and immediately encouraged him to also say "Jesus." Let me tell you, whenever my son says the name of Jesus, his face lights up. His countenance changes and it's like he KNOWS he's talking about Someone who's just wonderful. Even though he's young and still doesn't have all of the knowledge yet, I really think God has already placed the wonder of all that He is in my toddler's heart.
It reminds me of that scene in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe when the Pevensie children have all entered Narnia and are sitting down with the Beavers. Mr. Beaver tells them that Aslan is on the move, and immediately the atmosphere in the room seems to change.
"And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different. Perhaps it has sometimes happened to you in a dream that someone says something which you don't understand but in the dream it feels as if it had some enormous meaning -- either a terrifying one which turns the whole dream into a nightmare or else a lovely meaning too lovely to put into words, which makes the dream so beautiful that you remember it all your life and are always wishing you could get into that dream again. It was like that now. At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer."
I have to confess, this is one of my favorite passages in the whole Narnia series. And the movie adaptation does a great job at conveying what C.S. Lewis was describing here. At the name of Aslan, you see the expressions of the children's faces drastically change, as if they had just heard something very profound and life-changing, and each of them conveying it in a different way.
It might be a stretch, but when I see my young son's face light up when he speaks the name of Jesus, I like to think that perhaps he is also feeling as if a delightful strain of music is floating by. Or maybe he's feeling more brave and adventurous. Or maybe he's feeling something totally unique that he couldn't describe even if he had the ability to tell me. I'm just excited that he's already open to the wonder of all that Jesus is. And when he's old enough to learn about how Jesus walked the earth and died for our sins so that he could have a relationship with Him for all eternity, I'm hoping it'll just be more pieces to the puzzle snapping into place. How amazing that will be.
I hate to admit it, but it turns out you can learn something from your kid. Am I allowing the wonder of Jesus into my life? I want to get to the point where even the mention of his name changes my face as well as the atmosphere in the room. Thank You Lord for teaching me and loving me even when I don't find the time to crack open my Bible. Show me more of Your wonder.
December 9, 2011
November 13, 2011
Your ways are higher than mine.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
I haven't even attempted to write a blog post in at least a month; the events during that time have been difficult, but it's time I started sharing what the Lord has revealed to me.
On September 24 of this year, I found out I was pregnant. I found out very early, and only took a pregnancy test because I felt an urging to do so. What followed were four blood tests and a confusing ultrasound. My levels were where they needed to be, and I knew without a doubt I was six weeks along at this first ultrasound, but we didn't see anything but a black hole. I was worried, but my husband gently reminded me that this is what happened with our son. And while it was troubling and disappointing not being able to see our baby on the screen, I held on to that memory and believed in my heart that if we gave it another couple of weeks, everything would turn out as it had before; we would see our baby and its fluttering heartbeat, and know that God had truly blessed us with a miracle once again.
The date of my second ultrasound was October 20. It was a crisp, cloudless morning, and my husband and I were planning on going out of town for a much-needed vacation that weekend, so I was excited yet nervous as I buckled our son into his carseat and started toward the doctor's office to meet Randall. About a minute into the trip, a familiar song came on the radio. You may remember from a past post that this song brought me great comfort during the two weeks of uncertainty of my pregnancy with our son. It speaks about being carried by God and placing our hope in Him even in the midst of a storm. The song is a few years old, and I don't hear it on the radio all that often anymore. I couldn't help but think that God Himself played this song for me, knowing I would be in the car and headed to the ultrasound at that moment. I praised Him for His thankfulness and believed that this song was a sign that everything would be all right, just as it had two and a half years earlier.
About an hour later, my husband and I stared at the screen in the ultrasound room with heavy hearts. Try as she might, the ultrasound tech couldn't find any evidence that a baby was in there. When we should have been able to see the small form of our developing child, all we saw were bits of matter scattered here and there in a sickening, disorganized array. It became clear that we would have to say good-bye to another one of our children, and I remember saying to Randall once we were alone in the room, "I don't think I can go through this again." He answered back, "Yes, you can," and immediately after those words I heard God speak into my soul, "I'm with you."
It would be several hours later, when my husband and I had dropped off our son with his grandparents and were headed to Tennessee to take our trip as planned, when I would think of that song again and wonder why it had played on the radio that morning. Why would God do that to me? I thought back on the lyrics of the song, and realized that it still brought me comfort even in this situation. It, like most of the songs that revolve around God and His goodness, spoke the truth. And His truth is steadfast in any circumstance, even in this one that still doesn't make sense to me almost a month later. I don't know why He allowed me to get pregnant again, I don't know why He told me to take the pregnancy test so early since knowing early ended up not saving the child's life, and I don't know why this child was destined only for Heaven and not for earth here with me first. I just know that His ways are higher than mine. It hurts, and I suspect it will hurt for awhile. Like with the first child we lost, there will come a day when I don't think of what I've lost every minute, but I know little pangs of hurt and disappointment will come and go for the rest of my life. Maybe He does this so I won't ever stop longing for my true home, and so I won't ever forget that there is a higher purpose for all of us.
Even though this second miscarriage has been a lot more painful and difficult than the first (both emotionally and physically), I am still thankful for His faithfulness. I never doubted His love and sovereignty for a moment. He knows I'm hurting and cries along with me. I'm thankful for His hand, even though I'm not always sure about what He's doing. And I'm thankful that His ways are higher than mine. He may be a mystery at times, but He's the only One I trust. His words, even when sung as song lyrics, are true and can speak to my heart no matter how a situation turns out. And I'm grateful for that one constant that I can count on when nothing else in life seems sure. He IS my constant!
October 10, 2011
the practice of clinging
"My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:8
Yesterday in church we sang part of a song by Misty Edwards called "I Will Waste My Life." The song is basically about leaving everything behind to follow after God, and we ended up singing the phrase "Just let me cling to You, Jesus" over and over again. That got me thinking about what exactly "clinging" should look like in the life of a Christian.
I'll confess, my mind immediately went to plastic wrap. But it makes sense. When you wrap something in plastic wrap, it clings to that object, taking on its shape and a lot of its characteristics. It's a transparent material, so most of the time you're able to clearly see what's underneath. And when plastic wrap sticks to itself instead of something else, it's rendered virtually useless.
This is kind of how clinging to God should look like. We should strive to cling to Him in such a way that we start taking on His characteristics: His love, His compassion, His power, His very image. It's what we were created to do. But we aren't meant to showcase these characteristics or this image as though they are our own ideas or creations. Like transparent plastic wrap, we were meant to showcase the God to which we are clinging. Transparency can be a scary thing, but it's often the only way we can allow God to work in our lives and to help others see God as well.
The fact is, we all have the tendency to cling to something. Whether it's another person, something tangible like money, or something intangible like power, we will all try to find something to hold on to. We can cling to one or more of these things and develop the wrong characteristics, or worse, we can cling to ourselves and remain stagnant. Or we can cling to the One we were meant to cling to, and enjoy His love and instruction. If you want to be more like God, clinging to Him is the very best start you can make.
Yesterday in church we sang part of a song by Misty Edwards called "I Will Waste My Life." The song is basically about leaving everything behind to follow after God, and we ended up singing the phrase "Just let me cling to You, Jesus" over and over again. That got me thinking about what exactly "clinging" should look like in the life of a Christian.
I'll confess, my mind immediately went to plastic wrap. But it makes sense. When you wrap something in plastic wrap, it clings to that object, taking on its shape and a lot of its characteristics. It's a transparent material, so most of the time you're able to clearly see what's underneath. And when plastic wrap sticks to itself instead of something else, it's rendered virtually useless.
This is kind of how clinging to God should look like. We should strive to cling to Him in such a way that we start taking on His characteristics: His love, His compassion, His power, His very image. It's what we were created to do. But we aren't meant to showcase these characteristics or this image as though they are our own ideas or creations. Like transparent plastic wrap, we were meant to showcase the God to which we are clinging. Transparency can be a scary thing, but it's often the only way we can allow God to work in our lives and to help others see God as well.
The fact is, we all have the tendency to cling to something. Whether it's another person, something tangible like money, or something intangible like power, we will all try to find something to hold on to. We can cling to one or more of these things and develop the wrong characteristics, or worse, we can cling to ourselves and remain stagnant. Or we can cling to the One we were meant to cling to, and enjoy His love and instruction. If you want to be more like God, clinging to Him is the very best start you can make.
September 17, 2011
faith and works: a co-dependent relationship
"You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected." James 2:22
This "faith and works" passage in James is familiar to most Christians. We've all learned that faith without works is useless (2:20) since such a faith hardly inspires others to believe or to kindle a life-changing relationship with our Heavenly Father ("can that faith save him?" v. 14).
But this week God showed me a different spin on this passage. I always saw it as faith being dependent on works, meaning our faith really isn't mature until we allow it to manifest itself in our works. This viewpoint is still as true as ever, but really, faith and works are co-dependent. Works depend on faith just as much as faith depends on works.
The fact is, practicing works usually requires faith from us, especially in difficult situations. Choosing to worship when you feel despondent, choosing to give to the poor when your bank account is running on empty, even choosing to read your Bible when you're dead-tired are all works that require faith.
When we carry out a faith-based work, we inspire others and point them to the One who placed that work upon our hearts. And by doing that work, we exercise the very faith it takes to carry it out.
Faith is perfected through our works (v. 22). Carrying out those works prevents our faith from being useless, or worse, dead (vs. 17 and 26). Faith and works build upon each other; they make each other stronger and more lasting. Faith requires works, and works require faith. We can't have one without the other.
This "faith and works" passage in James is familiar to most Christians. We've all learned that faith without works is useless (2:20) since such a faith hardly inspires others to believe or to kindle a life-changing relationship with our Heavenly Father ("can that faith save him?" v. 14).
But this week God showed me a different spin on this passage. I always saw it as faith being dependent on works, meaning our faith really isn't mature until we allow it to manifest itself in our works. This viewpoint is still as true as ever, but really, faith and works are co-dependent. Works depend on faith just as much as faith depends on works.
The fact is, practicing works usually requires faith from us, especially in difficult situations. Choosing to worship when you feel despondent, choosing to give to the poor when your bank account is running on empty, even choosing to read your Bible when you're dead-tired are all works that require faith.
When we carry out a faith-based work, we inspire others and point them to the One who placed that work upon our hearts. And by doing that work, we exercise the very faith it takes to carry it out.
Faith is perfected through our works (v. 22). Carrying out those works prevents our faith from being useless, or worse, dead (vs. 17 and 26). Faith and works build upon each other; they make each other stronger and more lasting. Faith requires works, and works require faith. We can't have one without the other.
September 14, 2011
what I've learned from Naomi.
This morning I was looking through past entries in my journal. I mostly use my journal for jotting down sermon notes and devotionals, as well as any dreams or words of knowledge that God gives me for myself or others. I find it particularly interesting to go back one year and see where I was and maybe (hopefully) see how much I've changed.
Around this time last year, underneath a Sunday message, I had this jotted down....
"The name 'Naomi' has been on my heart for awhile now, and I wasn't sure why until this morning when we got to ministry time [a time in our service where people can go up if they want prayer]. I was praying to God about risk-taking and stepping out [the very point of the message I had just heard!] and He brought up Naomi again. He told me that up till now I've been more of a Naomi than a Ruth; stuck living in a cave, grieving my losses while someone else goes out and gathers sheaves. He's calling me out to be more like Ruth in my boldness to step out and work in His kingdom, but to also maintain the wisdom Naomi had to instruct Ruth on how to do so."
Remember the story of Mary and Martha, and how Mary chose the better part by lingering at Jesus' feet rather than jumping up to help Martha in the kitchen? I think a balance between the two is required of us most days; spending that precious time with our Heavenly Father, while still serving others and doing our little part to further the Kingdom.
The same is true in the case of Naomi and Ruth. We tend to sympathize more with Ruth (and why not? The whole book is named after her, not to mention she's the one who lands herself a husband and a son by the end!), but let's not forget what Naomi can teach us. This is a woman whose worst nightmare came true. She lost her husband and two sons, and was forced to return to her homeland in order to have any hope of surviving on her own. And she was blessed with the company of Ruth, her widowed daughter-in-law who refused to leave her. Ruth gathered sheaves in the fields of their kinsmen-redeemer, Boaz, and long story short, the two got married and blessed Naomi with a grandson to care for.
I'm not sure why, but I always picture them living in a cave when they got to Bethlehem. Maybe I read that somewhere else, but my Bible doesn't say they did. But even if they didn't live in a physical cave, you have to agree that Naomi was dwelling in an emotional one for sure. She even told her friends, "I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty" (Ruth 1:21). She stayed in that cave while Ruth went out to keep them fed.
But Naomi still had a purpose. She lovingly advised Ruth when it came to gleaning in Boaz's fields, and kind of played matchmaker in a way (check out her counsel that led to the somewhat-shocking threshing floor proposal in chapter 3!). Although she felt that God had afflicted her (1:21), Naomi still retained His love and wisdom, and allowed those things to manifest themselves in her dealings with Ruth to bless her as well. And because of her faith in the midst of grief and uncertainty, Naomi became the catalyst that led to not only a marriage, but to the restoration of her name and family, as well as the birth of the child Obed who's in the very lineage of Jesus Christ.
So I think it's okay to have a little Naomi in all of us. That part of us may get scared or emotional in times of struggle, but as long as we remain faithful in the One who is guiding us through, the wisdom and love He pours out on us can certainly spill onto others. But don't be afraid of having a little Ruth in you either, since some difficult times also require us to roll up our sleeves and get to work in the fields, all the while receiving counsel from other wise Christians. It's all about balance. Some situations require more Naomi than Ruth, or vice versa. Just don't write Naomi off. All you have to do is read Ruth's story to see she was more important to the outcome than most of us realize!
Around this time last year, underneath a Sunday message, I had this jotted down....
"The name 'Naomi' has been on my heart for awhile now, and I wasn't sure why until this morning when we got to ministry time [a time in our service where people can go up if they want prayer]. I was praying to God about risk-taking and stepping out [the very point of the message I had just heard!] and He brought up Naomi again. He told me that up till now I've been more of a Naomi than a Ruth; stuck living in a cave, grieving my losses while someone else goes out and gathers sheaves. He's calling me out to be more like Ruth in my boldness to step out and work in His kingdom, but to also maintain the wisdom Naomi had to instruct Ruth on how to do so."
Remember the story of Mary and Martha, and how Mary chose the better part by lingering at Jesus' feet rather than jumping up to help Martha in the kitchen? I think a balance between the two is required of us most days; spending that precious time with our Heavenly Father, while still serving others and doing our little part to further the Kingdom.
The same is true in the case of Naomi and Ruth. We tend to sympathize more with Ruth (and why not? The whole book is named after her, not to mention she's the one who lands herself a husband and a son by the end!), but let's not forget what Naomi can teach us. This is a woman whose worst nightmare came true. She lost her husband and two sons, and was forced to return to her homeland in order to have any hope of surviving on her own. And she was blessed with the company of Ruth, her widowed daughter-in-law who refused to leave her. Ruth gathered sheaves in the fields of their kinsmen-redeemer, Boaz, and long story short, the two got married and blessed Naomi with a grandson to care for.
I'm not sure why, but I always picture them living in a cave when they got to Bethlehem. Maybe I read that somewhere else, but my Bible doesn't say they did. But even if they didn't live in a physical cave, you have to agree that Naomi was dwelling in an emotional one for sure. She even told her friends, "I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty" (Ruth 1:21). She stayed in that cave while Ruth went out to keep them fed.
But Naomi still had a purpose. She lovingly advised Ruth when it came to gleaning in Boaz's fields, and kind of played matchmaker in a way (check out her counsel that led to the somewhat-shocking threshing floor proposal in chapter 3!). Although she felt that God had afflicted her (1:21), Naomi still retained His love and wisdom, and allowed those things to manifest themselves in her dealings with Ruth to bless her as well. And because of her faith in the midst of grief and uncertainty, Naomi became the catalyst that led to not only a marriage, but to the restoration of her name and family, as well as the birth of the child Obed who's in the very lineage of Jesus Christ.
So I think it's okay to have a little Naomi in all of us. That part of us may get scared or emotional in times of struggle, but as long as we remain faithful in the One who is guiding us through, the wisdom and love He pours out on us can certainly spill onto others. But don't be afraid of having a little Ruth in you either, since some difficult times also require us to roll up our sleeves and get to work in the fields, all the while receiving counsel from other wise Christians. It's all about balance. Some situations require more Naomi than Ruth, or vice versa. Just don't write Naomi off. All you have to do is read Ruth's story to see she was more important to the outcome than most of us realize!
September 6, 2011
hope for when we stumble
"For whoever keeps the whole law yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all." James 2:10
"Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13b
As I read through the first part of the second chapter of James this afternoon, I couldn't help but ruminate over the last few days, few weeks, few months, and count just how many times I've stumbled. And forget about just stumbling in "one point," for me it's more along the lines of "at least ten."
When I read verse 10, I checked out the scriptural cross-references for the word "stumble," and found hope for my discouragement:
First, James 3:2 tells us that "we all stumble in many ways." You got that right! I was thankful for the reminder that we all struggle in different areas, and even on the straightest path we will all encounter times when we stumble. So I'm not alone in this.
Second, 2 Peter 1:10 instructs us to practice certain "things" so that we will never stumble. If we look earlier in the passage, we find those "things" he's talking about: faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. Kind of like the fruits of the Spirit on steroids! They all seem build upon each other, and while it's nice to have the list, it's also a little daunting at the same time. How in the world can anyone keep this up in order not to stumble?
That's where the last reference comes in. The twenty-fourth verse in the very brief yet very powerful book of Jude tells us that God is "able to keep us from stumbling." So we don't have to do it on our own. He knows that without Him we're weak, but He also knows that with Him we're strong and capable of so much more than we realize. So many times the wrong thinking jumpstarts my guilt during times of stumbling; I figure that since I'm human, I'm also weak and useless, and there's nothing that can help me change. I'm thinking that's the mindset in which the enemy wants me to stay.
What I need to realize is that I don't have to be weak and useless. That's part of Jesus' transforming work on the cross, as well as His resurrection; our old self with its sinful nature died with Him, and when He rose from the dead, He unlocked brand new lives for each of us as well. I'm certain that this is good news for so many others too, unless I miss my guess on how alike we all really are.
Now, as long as we're on this earth, we will struggle with certain temptations and sins. That's our flesh trying to get us to return to our old ways. And we will most likely stumble from time to time. But God is quick to show mercy to us (James 2:13), and if we abide in Him, we have access to more power and grace than we ever thought possible. If you've stumbled, ask God to take your hands and help you stand back up. Dust off your knees, wipe your brow, and follow Him up that path He has for you. I can think of no better guide than the One who laid the road.
"Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13b
As I read through the first part of the second chapter of James this afternoon, I couldn't help but ruminate over the last few days, few weeks, few months, and count just how many times I've stumbled. And forget about just stumbling in "one point," for me it's more along the lines of "at least ten."
When I read verse 10, I checked out the scriptural cross-references for the word "stumble," and found hope for my discouragement:
First, James 3:2 tells us that "we all stumble in many ways." You got that right! I was thankful for the reminder that we all struggle in different areas, and even on the straightest path we will all encounter times when we stumble. So I'm not alone in this.
Second, 2 Peter 1:10 instructs us to practice certain "things" so that we will never stumble. If we look earlier in the passage, we find those "things" he's talking about: faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. Kind of like the fruits of the Spirit on steroids! They all seem build upon each other, and while it's nice to have the list, it's also a little daunting at the same time. How in the world can anyone keep this up in order not to stumble?
That's where the last reference comes in. The twenty-fourth verse in the very brief yet very powerful book of Jude tells us that God is "able to keep us from stumbling." So we don't have to do it on our own. He knows that without Him we're weak, but He also knows that with Him we're strong and capable of so much more than we realize. So many times the wrong thinking jumpstarts my guilt during times of stumbling; I figure that since I'm human, I'm also weak and useless, and there's nothing that can help me change. I'm thinking that's the mindset in which the enemy wants me to stay.
What I need to realize is that I don't have to be weak and useless. That's part of Jesus' transforming work on the cross, as well as His resurrection; our old self with its sinful nature died with Him, and when He rose from the dead, He unlocked brand new lives for each of us as well. I'm certain that this is good news for so many others too, unless I miss my guess on how alike we all really are.
Now, as long as we're on this earth, we will struggle with certain temptations and sins. That's our flesh trying to get us to return to our old ways. And we will most likely stumble from time to time. But God is quick to show mercy to us (James 2:13), and if we abide in Him, we have access to more power and grace than we ever thought possible. If you've stumbled, ask God to take your hands and help you stand back up. Dust off your knees, wipe your brow, and follow Him up that path He has for you. I can think of no better guide than the One who laid the road.
August 16, 2011
quick thoughts on anger
"...the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
~James 1:20
I read this verse a few weeks ago and have meditated on it a bit since then.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul advises us to "be angry, and yet do not sin" (4:26). He knew that as humans, anger is an inevitable emotion for all of us in this fallen world. But he also knew that without the love of God in our hearts, this anger can become a catalyst in the manifestation of any number of sins since without His help, we have no hope of controlling this powerful emotion on our own.
Being angry on occasion is normal, and sometimes even beneficial if we keep tabs on it and deal with it properly. But we're not designed to harbor our anger continuously. That's where the above verse in James comes in. Even if we call on God's help in the midst of an episode of anger, and we are successful in avoiding any kind of sin during that time, I really think being angry for an extended period of time can prevent us from running after His righteousness and blessings. Of course there are exceptions to this rule; sometimes righteous indignation combined with Providence can certainly further God's kingdom (such as Jesus turning over the money-changers' tables in the Temple). But for the most part, we're better off if we deal with our anger quickly and concisely, without giving in to the temptation to sin and without letting our anger keep us from doing what God has called us to do.
I'm usually not one to act out on my anger; I tend to be more prone to stuffing my anger inside and letting it stew instead. But I'm thinking that doing this is really just as bad as physically acting out my anger. If I'm angry at someone, and do nothing to fix the situation, I'm usually rendered useless in regards to His kingdom. In addition, that anger makes me vulnerable toward more attacks from the Enemy; just check out a later verse in that passage in James, where he says that allowing our anger to remain in us only gives the devil "an opportunity" (v. 27), or in other translations, "a foothold." Anger will only beget more anger, and that anger will only beget sin, unless we call on God the minute that powerful emotion sets in and ask for His help in resolving it. A life bent toward achieving His righteousness can't be spent wading in the mucky waters of anger and bitterness.
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